‘Redshirting’ Kindergarten-Age Kids Can Lead to Regrets
Last week we had our 4-year-old’s parent-teacher conference. She’s in pre-K, turning 5 next summer, and so one of her teacher’s first questions for us was, “What are you thinking about kindergarten?”
We’ve been here before. She’s our family’s third summer baby, which in our Ohio school district means that all of our kids turn 5 just under the kindergarten cutoff of Sept. 30. Our youngest is small, a bit shy, and sticks mostly to one or two friends. She’s also bright, capable, emotionally secure, and on the cusp of literacy. What to do?
Five years ago, we had a similar discussion about our eldest, who is an early September baby. He was clearly ready academically, but was emotionally and socially “young.” His preschool recommended another year, a practice that has become known as academic redshirting, and so we waited, but not without some hemming and hawing.
Three years ago, we were back to it with our older daughter, a late-August birthday. She also was academically ready, but was so withdrawn in early preschool that we had actually wondered whether she had selective mutism disorder. It turned out she didn’t have the condition, just extreme introversion and shyness, but the preschool again recommended another year for greater social and emotional maturity. Again, after some angst, we took their recommendation and waited.
Fully 6 years old and fresh off three beautiful, enriching and expensive years of preschool, she had eagerly looked forward to kindergarten. When it began, though, our daughter was disappointed and upset. Despite a wonderful public school and teacher, there were several significant behavioral problems among her classmates — probably a couple of undiagnosed underlying issues, as well as the ordinary chatter and antsiness of typical 5-year-olds. My daughter complained, “Some of these kids don’t even know how to line up. It’s like they never even went to preschool!”
She was probably right, as it turns out. For all my uneasiness about the kindergarten decision, and what’s the Very Very Best for my kid, it’s all a bit of a tempest in a teapot. My children attended a high-quality preschool, and in that respect, they already have an advantage over the notable minority of the kids in my town who do not attend preschool. They also have an enormously wide advantage over the children in our neighboring city of Cleveland, where more than 75 percent of children do not attend a quality preschool, and where, not coincidentally, 54 percent of children live in poverty. (Efforts to expand preschool attendance in Cleveland have grown, but are still in their infancy.)
Meanwhile, inside elite preschools, the preparedness gulf is still widening. Five years ago, when we enrolled my son in his extra “Pre-K Plus” year, only July, August and September birthdays — those just under the Sept. 30 cutoff — were typically eligible to enroll. Occasionally, a June birthday could enroll with special permission, and most typically with an I.E.P., individualized education program, showing a specialized educational need or delay.
Now, as my youngest is rounding the corner to kindergarten, our preschool regularly enrolls June and even May birthdays without any unusual need demonstrated. The fact that my bright, typical, early June daughter is even being considered for a kindergarten delay just goes to show how far things have crept; she would finish kindergarten right around her seventh birthday if we held her back. Somewhere, a line must be drawn.
Of course, I don’t have to hold my child if I don’t want to, and I’m almost certain we won’t this time. Yet, her kindergarten classroom is likely to have a wider spread of ages and abilities than ever. It may very well include children who are just under 5 years old, who have never been to preschool and can’t sit still, and in the same room, mature 6-year-olds who are fluently reading chapter books and ready for advanced math. The increased teacher burden, and the effects on the collective learning experience, seem readily apparent.
We can make the decision only for our own children, of course, and we parents all want to do what’s best for them. Sometimes, that’s another year of preschool. “You’ll never regret it,” other parents and educators alike have often advised me over the years.
I’m afraid it’s not quite that simple — not for me, and not for elementary school classrooms. Although my older kids are doing well, I admit I’m still a little conflicted about holding them. Perhaps their success in school has less to do with any inherent advantage to their being older, and more to do with the fact that any child whose parents have the financial ability to wait probably already has the decked stacked in his or her favor. Most of these kids, like my youngest daughter, will be more than fine either way. But what about the rest of our children?
I had a wonderful experience
Here are some things to look for when trying to choose a school for your child:
1. How does the community feel? Is it a place you can see your family? If it’s an elementary school, do you feel like it’s “your community?” In elementary school, many of the parents will become your friends so you need to feel like it’s your “home.” In middle and high school it’s more about if your child feels like it’s his/her community.
2. Can you see evidence of the school’s mission when you visit? Every aspect of a school should come back to their mission and it should be apparent. Does the mission talk about a strong academic program? Does it mention a commitment to global learning? Is diversity important?You should be able to see pieces of the mission when you tour the school. This also relates to what the school values and what your family values.
3. What is the academic program like? Is it rigorous? Will your child be challenged there? Will he/she struggle with academics? Is the school’s focus more about social-emotional learning? Is it traditional or progressive? Do they have a focus toward gifted education? Do they offer an athletic program? Arts? Is there a focus on standardized testing?
4. Is the school accredited? If so, by whom? Accreditation processes and standards vary. Some are more detailed and rigorous than others. Is the school a member of the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS)?
5. Cost and financial aid. What is the tuition and what does it include? Does it include after school care? Does it include class trips? What is the average financial aid award given? How is an award determined? Is it need-based or merit-based?
6. Faculty and Staff. Can you see the evidence of teachers enjoying teaching? Are the classes mostly teacher-led or student-led? Are the students engaged?
Choosing a school for your child is one of the most important decisions you will make as a parent. Using the above guidelines will help you evaluate a school.
Stress Free School Selection:
Top Tips from an Education Consultant
It’s school shopping season and we want to make sure you have all the information you need to feel supported in your school search. Our last post featured an interview with college admissions counselor Heather Parry, helping us put college worries aside until high school. Today, Education Consultant Christy Haven, shares what parents need to be thinking about when searching for preschool through middle school options.
Christy Haven knows what she is talking about. She has been an admissions director at area schools for over 15 years, and during that time has helped over 150 families through the middle school application process. Christy’s knowledge of Seattle area schools runs deep, as does her ability to help families move through this process with confidence and ease. Her guidance was just what we needed as we moved through our own middle school search and application process last year. One of the best parts of working with an education consultant is reducing stress and helping parents and kids work together through the process.
I sat down with Christy recently to get her top advice on finding the right school for your child; here’s what she had to say:
When do I need to start thinking about school options for my kid?
Christy: Deciding when to begin the process of looking at schools can really vary from family to family and it also depends on the age of the child. Some families prefer to look ahead of time (before the admissions season) so they feel calm when the season approaches. Others don’t want to think about it until they absolutely have to. Either way is perfectly ok! Here are some guidelines.
Preschool – Most Preschools in Seattle have an application deadline of the first week of February so beginning your search process in the late fall is ideal. Some Preschools have rolling admissions and will accept children all throughout the school year based on number of openings. Tour dates can vary but are usually in the late fall and throughout the winter.
Pre-Kindergarten – This can definitely vary. If you are considering a school that is only Preschool and Pre-K (for 2’s, 3’s and 4’s for example), the deadlines are usually in February. If you are considering a Pre-K that is part of an elementary school, those application deadlines usually fall on the same date as the elementary, middle, and high schools (mid-January).
Elementary, Middle and High School – Application deadlines are usually in mid-January so tours usually begin late September/early October. Many schools hold Open Houses in the fall as well.
There are so many schools; it’s overwhelming! Where does a parent start?
Christy: First, take a deep breath! The best way to begin this process is to start early so you don’t feel stressed and more importantly your child (if he/she is applying to middle/high school and a big part of the process) doesn’t feel stressed. Start by thinking about what is important to you – Are you willing to commute to take your child to school? Do you want more of a neighborhood school? Do you want a large or small school?
Once you’ve identified what’s important to you as a family, then you can look at some school websites and see if they speak to you. From there you can narrow down your search and start visiting schools that interest you and meet your initial criteria.
As soon as schools begin to schedule open houses, put those on your calendar and attend. Feel free to bring your child to the open houses unless your child becomes overwhelmed in environments with lots of people! Your child will have their own visit to be able to experience the school and give you their thoughts (even Kindergarten applicants have thoughts about their school visits).
What factors should I consider when looking at schools?
Christy: This really depends on your family’s values. As I mentioned above, location is important to some families, size of school is important, etc. From there you need to get more specific about what is best for your child and your family. Does your child need an environment with a lot of structure? Does he/she need to be where he/she isn’t sitting a desk and is allowed to sit on the floor at times or in a quiet space in the classroom? Is academic rigor important? Is a social emotional programming something your family values?
Most importantly, does the school feel like “your” community? This is especially true for elementary schools. Your child’s friends’ parents become your friends during the elementary school years and it truly becomes your community so it needs to feel like “home” to you. In middle and high school, it’s more about what is best for your child. What is he/she like as a learner? What has worked in elementary school and what hasn’t? Are competitive sports important to your child? Are the arts important?
I want my child to get in to a good college, how do I know if a preschool or elementary school is going to put them on the right path from the start?
Christy: Unfortunately, no school is going to put your child on the right path to college. Some schools are more academically rigorous than others but that doesn’t mean that your child will get into a good college by attending there.
Middle schools and high schools do have lists of where their graduates have attended college; review those closely when deciding on a middle or high school. In the end, though, what is really important is that a school looks at the whole child whether it’s in elementary, middle, or high school. Research shows that colleges want well-rounded students; those who have a strong academic record but who also have a resume with extra curricular activities, community service, etc.
What goes in to the application process?
Christy: Each school is different but here’s some ideas about what to expect.
In preschool, it’s usually a parent visit and an application. Some Preschools do have the child visit as well. Elementary schools will definitely have a student visit. Some schools have parent interviews as well. The parent completes the application for both preschool and elementary school.
Middle and high school have student visits, and most have parent interviews. They also may require specific testing as a part of the admissions process. Both parent and student will have pieces of the application to complete.
What is education consulting? Why might a family choose to work with one?
Stress Free School Selection:
Top Tips from an Education Consultant
By Sarina Behar Natkin, LICSW. Co-Founder, Grow Parenting
Christy: Education consulting involves many different things. It could be helping a family narrow down their school search by getting to know the student and family. It could be helping the student or parent write their admissions essay. Consultants are committed to reducing the anxiety and stress that this process can bring and assure the family that there is a school for every child!
If you could give parents one piece of advice around choosing and applying to schools, what would it be?
Christy: To try not to worry. It’s important that your child isn’t stressed and they will pick up on your stress. The most important thing I’ve learned after being an Admissions Director for 15 years is that things always work out the way they are supposed to and there is a school for every child that is the right fit!
Choosing and applying to schools can be an overwhelming process and we hope these tips from Christy can get you off on the right foot. If you are looking for support in the application process, you can find Christy at Mindful Education Consulting. For more on choosing a preschool, check out one of GROW Parenting’s most popular posts, Preschool Shopping 101.
Christy truly is a ‘parent whisperer!’ She listens and responds, in a caring and tender way, to the concerns, questions and anxieties that accompany the process of choosing the right school. Then, she uses her amazing knowledge of Seattle-area independent schools to guide parents to the right ‘home’ for their child. Christy is totally dedicated to her craft, and it’s easy to see that she genuinely cares about her clients. Most of all, she has a special way of making this whole process peaceful, hopeful and even exciting!
I have always known Christy to be dedicated to the students and families with whom she works. She devotes a lot of time and energy to helping families understand the admissions process and to understanding the mission and programs of the various public, independent and religious schools. Christy approaches each situation with an individualized plan and is responsive to the strengths and challenges which each student brings to the process. She works well with people with varying degrees of understanding and experience with the world of schools and knows how to help people journey through the process with the least amount of anxiety and fear. Her calming nature makes her the perfect person to help families!
– Joan Beauregard, Head of School, Hamlin Robinson School
As a parent and educator, I am very aware of how stressful education decisions can be for families, and I highly recommend Christy Haven to anyone navigating this complex world. In addition to her extensive knowledge of area schools, her calm and caring demeanor helps decrease anxiety as families strive to find the right fit for their children.
I’ve worked professionally with Christy for years — but she was a life-saver when my own children were going through the application process as well. Her expertise, combined with timely communication and follow-through, allowed our family to make informed and mindful choices while still keeping our sanity. I know she can do the same for your family.
– Sarina Behar Natkin, LICSW